Last night I found myself watching nightline, actually its something I watch every night, damn I miss Ted Koppel… any who last nights show caught every bit of my attention…  Cynthia McFadden was the reporter, and also is adopted… pretty much it revolved around a woman who had a sickly son, her son had a rare from of cancer… her son is now in remission, but the doctors suggested researching her bloodline… in an effort to save her son, she started her mission… she hired a woman who’s also adopted who has perfected the art of finding the natural parents of adopted children…

After a lil internet searching, the woman was able to find the agency that her client was placed in…  the client (the adopted woman) goes in, and gets some basic information… her mom was young, a teacher, and she had had an affair with a young man and ended up pregnant…  because this all took place forty years ago, the woman felt she had no choice but to give the child up for adoption…  she was also catholic, so having a child out of wedlock was a big no-no, till this day it’s a no-no, but back then, you were sure to become an automatic outcast…     so, the woman obains preliminary info from the agency and immediately shares the info with the woman she hired to assist her in her search…  the woman immediately goes to the internet and finds the mom…

She’s a retired teacher, appears to be stable… now, the woman from the agency suggested that she write a letter, where are the woman she hired to help her suggested calling her…  I’m not sure how I feel about calling… If I were fortunate enough to locate my natural mother, I would most likely write a letter… 

After several hours of coaching, the adopted woman calls her natural mom, and although you couldn’t hear the conversation, you could tell that the woman was NOT happy about her calling, and interrupting her life… all you could hear was her repeated apologies… she told her natural mom that she loved her, and she also thanked her for giving her up for adoption as he has had a happy life and had some awesome parents…  I guess the woman responded, and she told her that she was stable and she was not looking to cause her harm, she then went into the situation with her son, and began to inquire about the family medical history, and she ended the call by thanking her and giving the natural mother her phone number…

The call ends, and then Cynthia McFadden began to ask questions about the call…  the woman stated that the natural mom was 70 years old, and she had grown children, and she also told her hat no one knew, not her husband, not her kids, NO ONE…   and that was the end of that…

The segment ended with Cynthia McFadden following up with her 8 months later… and she had NOT heard form her birth mother… man, I lost it!  I cried, and cried, and cried some more… then I called my mom and she cried… it was an emotional moment for Ms Teal…    my mom has ALWAYS been supportive of my finding my borht parents, my dad on the other hand was oppsed to it…  the interesting thing is that he could have made one call, and the search coulda ended, but it never happened…  I guess he had his reasons… 

There was a time that I actively searched for my birth mom, thousands of dollars later nothing…  it was always an off and on kind of search…  the thing that would always get me would be those damn Sally Jesse Raphael reunion shows, and also Oprah’s reunion shows..  They always put me in search mode… 

Last night’s nightline confirmed my biggest fear…  WHAT IF THEY DON’T WANT TO KNOW ME?  Another damn rejection…  it’s interesting as much as I’d like to see who I look like, and how many siblings I may have, and If I have a big family I’m always concerned about the rejection…

The story ended with the pending laws that are being passed in various states, with Maine being the first…  sometime in the near future, the state of Maine will begin opening adoption records…  something as simple as a written letter will put folks such as myself that much closer to their birth parents…   WOW!  

As much as it excites me, it still scares me…   I can only hope that I will be afforded the opporuntity to place my eyes on my birth mother before I die… 

What do you think?  Do you think that adopted children should be able to see adoption records?  Do you think it’s fair for the birth parent to suddenly open the door, and the kid they gave away some 40 odd years ago is there waiting to receive them with open arms?  Or do you think the kids should just get over it and accept the fact they will forever be left with a void, a feeling of NOT belonging? 

This is some deep stuff! Some of you will not understand what the big deal is, because you aren’t adopted and you know your natural parents… but then there are those few who will truly understand where I’m coming from, because you are adopted, and you know how it feels to live life feeling like something’s missing… 

For me, it’s a matter of having a connection, knowing who I look like, and most importantly knowing where I come from… hell, I want to know where this 38dd’s come from!  lol   

note: it was my intention to post this only on VV, but I decided to also post it here...  for whatever reason, I felt the need to share that! 

I’m far from a lurker but on VV I lurk…  and the more lurking I do, the more I take in, the more I learn…  and ladies let me tell ya, a sista has learned a lot… 

I am definitely bi…  but, the more I learn about the ladies of VV the more I realize that there are obvious levels of bisexuality…  now, don’t ask me what the levels are, cuz I’m still trynna figure that out!  Lol, but this much I know for sure:

I love women…

I love watching them in and out the bedroom…

I enjoy kissing women…

I enjoy touching women…

I enjoy playing in pussy with my fingers…

And I absolutely ADORE breast… 

I like them ALL sizes… From DDD’s too  plump B’s…

But…

I really don’t know how I feel about eating pussy…

I enjoy playin in it…

And I do enjoy eating it…

But,  eating pussy is not something I enjoy doing the most, nor is it something I must do…  now, don’t get me wrong, cuz every so often I run into someone, where I can get my eat on, and I enjoy what I’m doing…  but, if there’s no TRUE connection, I often times feel like it’s a chore…  I’m basically reciprocating in kind… But, let me run into my ideal woman, with a mind, body, and soul I adore… And it’s ON…

Now, with all that said…

What I enjoy the most about women, are the ones who enjoy eating me…

The ones who get off on getting me off...

The ones who wanna feast in my pussy, and play with my tits…

I’m far from a selfish lover and will always give what I get…

But what I truly desire is passion with a woman… 

True animalistic passionate sex!

I’ve had it once, and one of these days I hope to have it again…

BTW, Thanks “J” I’ve never had an experience like the one we had 2 summers ago…  

So, with that said… as I continue to learn, and I continue to explore, and I continue to lurk…  I will soon find that perfect woman, with the perfect mind, a gentle soul,  with that perfect pussy that makes me melt at the sight of it, smile at the smell of it,  that perfect woman that’ll have me savoring  every moment as I eat it…

The joys of life no black, no white, just mad shades of grey…

*smooches*

Ps., if you’re a Bi-Sista (or even Bi-Curious)  lookin for an online home, then check out Vice~Versa, help us, help Storm (the owner of VV)  reach her goal of 300 hundred members strong by October!  

http://viceversa.ning.com/ Click the link, and explore a whole new world!

1. Do you like blue cheese? Yup, especially in Ledo’s Steak n’ Blue Cheese Salad…. YUMMO!

2. Have you ever smoked heroin? Not that I know of!  NO silly…

3. Do you own a gun? Nope, not unless you consider my vibrator a GUN...

4. What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic? Man, u want some Sonic!  Brings back memories of those hot summers in Oklahoma…  Cherry Lime Aid’s are the BOMB!

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments? Only the OB/GYN… not knowing your family medical history will do that to a sista…

6. What do you think of hot dogs? Great on the grill, and not so bad on my George Foreman…

7. Favorite Christmas movie?  Anything none Christmassy…

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? A good cup of coffee, and a glass of ice water…

9. Can you do push ups? Can i?  and a split!  lol

11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My tiffany necklace that my daddy gave me, that I rarely take off… makes me feel like he’s with me!

12. Favorite hobby? Masturbating….  

14. Do you have A.D.D? On Monday, Wednesdays, and Sundays!

15. What's one trait you hate about yourself? That I won’t take life changing risks…

16. Middle name? Ellen… shut up!

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? Money, Sleep, and MORE Money…

18. Name 3 things you bought yesterday? A painting to match my NEW stools…   A Ledo’s Deluxe with Bacon, and Gas for the gas guzzler…

19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink? Water, Coke, and Passion Tea Lemonade w/ 12 pumps!

20. Current worry? Replenishing the 401k, which I butchered in order to survive last year…

21. Current hate right now? My growing condo fees…

22. Favorite place to be? Ocean City

23. How did you bring in the New Year? With my baby!  It was actually the best New Years ever… he said:  “Happy Birthday Mommy”!   

24. Where would you like to go? A trip to the Caymans or Barbados would be nice…

25. Name four people who will complete this? Friends, foes, associates, and wannabe lovers…

26. Do you own slippers? Yup!  Do I wear them? No!

27. What shirt are you wearing? An Ed Hardy wife beater…

28. Do you like sleeping on satin sheets? So 70’s!  hot ass tacky ass shit…  give me some high thread count, and I’m happy…  THAT’S LUXURY…

29. Can you whistle? Nope! 

30. Favorite color? Orange is my signature color, and Chocolate brown is the favorite…

31. Would you be a pirate? Nope…

32. What songs do you sing in the shower? I’m too busy trynna figure out my damn life while I’m in the shower!

33. Favorite girl's name? Darcy, Dakota, and Dallas…

34. Favorite boy's name? Malcolm

35. What's in your pocket right now? My Lord n’ Taylor ID

36. Last thing that made you laugh? A customer at Lord n’ Taylor, ragging on how awful she looked in the dress she was trying on!  Better her than me, right?

37. What kind of sheets did you have on your bed as a child? Not sure, but knowing my momma, they were NICE!  She NEVER slacked on bed linens… actually she never slacked, or slacks on ANYTHING!

38. Your worst injury you've ever had? My damn bone spurred big toe!  Thank God for anti-inflammatory’s!

39. Do you love where you live? I loved it when I first got it, it was my own lil museum, but 8 years and 1 kid later, I’m not feelin it…  but, it’s MINE, the LTV is extra LOW, and I’m in MAJOR redecorating mode…  it’s on the path to architectural design!  Lol, at least in MY head… 

40. How many TVs do you have in your house? 6, two are BROKE!  I got some Sanford n Son shit goin on in the bedroom (thanks Witchy Poo!)  soon to change!

41. Who is your loudest friend? Lol…  Witchy Poo…  oh and Syl when her ass is DRUNK!

42. How many dogs do you have? MANY!  Oh, we’re talking pets, NOT men…  oops!  NONE…

43. Does someone have a crush on you? I dunno know!  A few have expressed interest in A Love, but few have expressed interest in TEAL…

46. What is your favorite candy? Mr. Goodbar

47. Favorite Sports Team? Team Tittie!  Monique and Unique…

48. What song do you want played at your funeral? I’m goin down!  Lol, I really haven’t thought about it…  

4. What were you doing at 12 a.m? I was WIDE awake… NOT GOOD! 

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?  Another day, that I’m closer to meeting my summer financial goals!  Yo, a bitch is GRINDING and on a FUCKIN mission…  I got folks in shock ova me and this part-time gig…  Thank You Jesus, I FINALLY woke up, and realized that money is not ALWAYS meant to be SPENT…  lol

Nighty~Night!

No matter who I’m with, man or woman, I hear it ALL the time; “Damn you taste good”…  I recently had a fling with a witty young man, who is making every possible effort to be more than just a fling!  Lol, every time we talk he spends the bulk of the conversation talking about how damn good I taste… and the other part of conversation revolves around how wet I am…  if nothing else he sure knows how to make a sista feel good!  Lol 

I’m sure all you ladies have heard it before, and for the ladies who are not strangers to swallowing, I’m sure you’ve run across a guy or two who taste pretty damn good too…  keeping this mind, I’m curious to know what good pussy taste like?   I’ve eaten a few pussies in my time, and I’m pleased to report that they all tasted lovely to me… nice and fresh… and yes, nice and fresh has a nice taste…  I like to refer to it as a “clean taste” … thank goodness I haven’t run into any foul tasting pussy!   What a turn off that would be…

 
So here I sit on a Sunday evening, wondering what good pussy taste like to you?  

 
Do you think that the rule of thumb for guys applies to women also?  The more water they drink, and the less alcohol they drink, makes for better tasting semen…  staying away from red meat, and spicy foods also makes for tolerable cum…  with that said, do you think that women who “flush” their systems have a cleaner fresher taste?

 
And lastly, how much does shaving ones pubic hair play into how good a woman taste?  I  thru this question in, because we all know that women and men with pubic hair tend to have a  musty odor that  can often times make one think they don’t taste as good, because you can’t escape the mustiness of it all!
 

So talk to me peeps, what does good pussy taste like to you?   Ladies, have you TASTED yourself?  If so, did you pass your personal taste test?    Guy’s have you run across any not so tasty pussy?  If so, WHAT did it taste like?  I wanna know!  lol

I’ve become obsessed with WeTV… obsessed!  A few shows that have caught my attention; Bridezilla’s has made for great Sunday house cleaning entertainment… and then there’s the series Women Behind Bars, for those of you who don’t know, I am also obsessed with Prison Documentaries, my dad did a brief stint as a prison doctor, and every since then (which was many years ago, I was probably 5 years old) I’ve been fixated on anything prison related…   I swear when Oz was discontinued I was devastated…

Here I go getting off topic AGAIN!

Any who, I happened upon another show that comes on WeTV on Tuesday evenings called: The Secret Lives of Women.  Now this is another GREAT show…   it pretty much tells the story of every day women, who have the picket fence, the dog, the home with the garage, and the 2 kids… but, most of these women have an interesting behind closed door life… some do it for pleasure, others do it to earn a dollar…  They have followed the lifestyles of a variety of women, women who like to take professional nude photos for their hubbys… women who strip on the side for extra cash, women who were once polygamist who have fled from the lifestyle and are now advocates for younger women who are forced into marriage due to their religious beliefs… it’s an interesting show, and even women who are dominatrixs, and or submissives, even prostitutes (by the way has anyone seen the new Call Girl show on Showtime?)   I’ve always and will always be fascinated with how people live their lives…  I find pleasure in knowing what brings a person TRUE joy…  so, I’m watching The Secret Lives of Women the other night, and low and behold the topic was women in the porn industry…  they showed how normal these women are, and how they live everyday lives…  the only difference was how they earned their paper…  instead of a 9 to 5, they work 5 to 9…  instead of sitting in an ergonomically correct chair, they sit on some woman’s or mans face…  but, WHAT no, let me rephrase that WHO caught my attention was, BUCK ANGEL…  have you all heard of Buck Angel?

Well, if you haven’t let me fill you in…  Buck Angel is the ONLY female to male transsexual porn star… (http://www.buckangel.com/) I mean he walks like a man, talks like a man, looks like man, but, he fucks like a woman…  you see Buck Angel still has a pussy ( I coulda wrote vagina, but pussy feels right!), and he has shaped and molded his career in porn based on being a man with a pussy…  man, this is so fuckin wild to me!  About a year ago, one of my fetish friends from 360 turned me on to ole Buck Angel, and I peeped him, her, hell I dunno! But I peeped him out, and was like: WOW!  I was speechless, and I’m still pretty much speechless…  so here I am a year later writing a blog about Buck muthafuckin Angel…  now, I’m a freak, and freaky kinky shit excites me, but in all honesty, I’m not sure what I feel about ole Buck…  I mean damn, I like pussy, but I like feminine pussy, hell, I love dick, and I like manly dick…  and hell, I’mma put my shit out there by saying that I could totally get with a sexy as feminine T-Girl…  in my lil crazy, sick way of thinking, a T-Girl is really the BEST of both worlds… 

 
But Buck Angel… what world is he in?  I know how he categorizes himself, and how the industry categorizes him but damn, I’m stumped on this…  I guess you could call him a T-boy? but damn if a man wants pussy he wants a woman,   if a woman wants a man she wants a man…  (given further thought, i must say there are those women who want a manly woman)...  off an on for the past few days, I've been wondering; who wants Buck Angel? The interesting thing is this; his following is all gay men!  Now, how bizarre is that?  A gay man, watching a female to male porn star with a pussy...  (dammit, i'm confused)

 
Now, I know this is some out there kinda shit…  but, y’all are some deep ass, wise ass folks, and some of y’all got this whole sex, gender, sexuality shit down to a science…  tell me your thoughts on Buck Angel?  But before you do, peep this out:

According to his website, Buck Angel was a pronounced tomboy as a child and adolescent. Unaware of the existence of sexual reassignment surgery, he lived for years as a female, dulling his sexual confusion with drugs and alcohol. Though he was profitably employed as a professional model, he has stated that he was generally dissatisfied with his identity and existence and "was not loving life." ^[1]

When he saw a film featuring a female-to-male transsexual character, he immediately began inquiring about sexual reassignment surgery and therapy and started receiving testosterone treatments. Within two years, he had his breasts surgically removed and began living full-time as a man. He has not undergone a phalloplasty and advertises himself as a "real man with a real pussy". It is not unusual for many FTM transgender men to forgo this procedure, as it is both expensive (usually about two or three times as expensive as the MTF genital surgeries) and highly risky; additionally, some transmen don't consider the results to be on-par with the MTF options. Angel is distinguished for his openness about possessing a vulva and the pride he takes in being a transman with female genitalia.

He is currently married to body piercer Elayne Angel.

 
I formulate a plan…

 
Once the plan has been formulated…

 
I work it… With much precision and GRACE! 

 
There are times when the plan does not come together…such as my being laid off last year, and not finding suitable employment until 13 months later… 

 
But, this plan… this plan right here, is on some extraordinary shit…

 
You see, this weekend is “BlackOut” night at “The Spot”…

 
And not just ANY “BlackOut” night, but the first one of the summer…

 
Can you imagine?  I mean really, can you fuckin imagine?  Freaks LOVE hot weather!

 
A few weeks ago I started to plant seeds to various folks… and some took the bait. While others did not, and that’s cool… 

 
But, I am here to tell ya, that this weekend at “The Spot” is gonna be OFF DA FUCKIN CHAIN…

 
I can feel it…   I can smell it, and by the way,  frisky ass Jackie is cutting up ova on 360…  *smh*   talking bout “she makes it rain”  ummmhmm, rain on me!  HA!

 
Bitches getting ready to be on some triple XXX – porn star – girls gone wild shit…

 
Did I  mention that it’s “BlackOut” night?  Did I ,mention that at midnight, all lights are turned da fuck off? Nothing but glow sticks to see our ways thru…  Did I mention that “ANYTHING” goes on the dance floor…    

 
Close your eyes, and imagine the dance floor of your favorite club with NO lights on, and a bunch of BARELY dressed, if not NAKED folks…   ummhmm,  that’s the scene, just NASTY… 

 
I’m here to tell you that on Saturday May 31, 2008 at the stroke of midnight, I will be on the dance floor at Tabu with a glow stick in my fuckin pussy!  And ya know what, I’m a selective bitch…  I don’t allow any ole’ dick up in this pussy…  but, you best believe, I’m getting ready to set it out…  family style, ALL U CAN EAT!  and if the dick is right...   ALL U CAN FUCK lol

 
I will re-earn my Ho card Saturday Night!  Yup, I said it, “HO’ Motha Fuckin Card”…

 
And Ms Jackie, you wanna get nasty in the “Dungeon Room”  bring it on Bitch, cuz I need it NASTY!  Not that over the counter VANILLA shit…  *smh*  that shit NO LONGER WORKS…

 
*wink*

 
And to Ms. Butterfly who use to be a fuckin Caterpillar (figure it out)…  you and your disappearing ass, I will hunt ya ass down, and tap on every fuckin door up in that joint, just to watch ya nastee ass in action, cuz I already know, that you and your boo, getting ready to CUT DA’ FUCK UP…

*smh*

Expect the unexpected, and the blog that is sure to follow… 

Ms Teal….  OUT!

So I was sitting here bored to death perusing blogs, and blasts and my girl Christy Love from 360 (Christy Love, makes me think of a Pam Grier character) had a blast that went a lil something like this:

 
"He Came Home Drunk @ 2:30am & Said I Will Pay U If U Will Perform Oral Sex with Me"

 
Now, the blast actually came from an episode of Judge Alex, and once I saw that joint, I once again, got ta thinking!   Y’all know me, mind always in the damn gutter, and the warmer it gets the more scandalous my thoughts get…   I hibernate in the winter, and liberate in the summer!   And to think, pretty soon, I can start goin panty less!   Oooohweeee, I can’t wait…  leaving lil Teal drops all ova the place…   lol but, on the real I may need to rethink that panty less shit, It was cool riding in my car, but it’s another story on the TRAIN! 

 
Aight back to the business at hand…   so, when I saw the blog I was like damn, I’ve had a dude offer me money for sexual favors SEVERAL times, and it’s always the same damn guy…  this dude has a MONSTER ass dick, Incredible Hulk Monster dick…   he offered me at first $100.00 for Anal sex, he wanted to fuck me in the ass BAD…  and for the most part I’m cool with anal sex…  well, yes and no, it’s kinda up there with kissing, some moments must be saved for that special someone…   any who, dude begged and begged for months, and till this day, he will hit me with a “please, baby, please baby, please”  now this has gone on for years…  over the past year or so, the $100.00 has grown to $500.00, and I continue to say no…  hell, I know what size dick I can handle in my ass, and his dick surpasses a welcome challenge, it’s more like an unwelcome “painful” chore…    

When he first asked me, I was jive offended…  I mean what did he think I was, a hooker!   Lol, that was funny, cuz of course I had a brief career as an escort… but, for some reason I was offended by this… man I gave his ass the blues, and poor thing all he could say was, “I just want it sooooo bad” just because I’m offering to pay doesn’t meant that I don’t respect you, we’ve known each other for over 30 years”… so, he made a point, and I got over it…

 
Recently while going thru my personal economic depression he offered me $500.00 to get up in this ass, and I can’t lie, I thought long and hard, cuz for real, that loot woulda gotten 2 big ass monkeys off my damn back!   But I looked at his dick as I formed my lips in preparation of suckin the life outta his dick, and  said; OH HELL NO…

 
So, the question of the day is this:   would you be offended if a boyfriend or significant other offered loot for sexual favors?  And or offered loot for sexual favors that you aren’t at all interested in?   When so called “desperate times call for desperate measures”, would you consider taking your man or significant other up on his financially rewarding sexual offer?    My brotha’s have you ever offered wifey, boo-boo, significant other, friend or lover money for sexual favors she is NOT inclined to do?  

 
Now, I gotta tell ya, had I been facing foreclosure, and on the road to homelessness, I woulda sold my ass, my pussy, and my left nipple!   Survival of the fittest babies and you best believe a sista is FIT!  

 
Talk to me peeps…

 
One mo’ thing…



if by chance your man offers you money to do whatever the hell he wants to do, and you say “hell to da nawl”…  I highly suggest you rethink your answer, cuz the next step after offering loot, is finding someone who is willing to do it for FREE…  trust me on this…  (compromise is a word that can save a marriage especially if sex is the issue)

First and foremost, THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY…  I’ve spent the whole week wishing I had a smart phone, it seems that I come up with some juicy shit as I  ride the train, reading Master/Slave, and listen to people as they converse via cell phone for all to hear…  which brings me to my first rant, observation, whateva the hell you’d like to call it…

Ok, I know folks need to handle their business while on the train, and the bus, I get that… hell I have friends who converse via cell on the train and bus, and lawd knows I am not knocking anybody, but dammit that shit drives me crazy!   I mean to make a quick call to check on the whereabouts of kids, and to firm up the evenings plans is one thing, but damn y’all to hell who have long, “loud” detailed conversations for all to hear…  I mean really, it’s an enclosed public space; must I listen to you converse with your peeps about Uncle Charlie’s colon cancer, and what the best options are?  C’mon now, some conversations are meant to be had in the privacy of your home!  OMG, then you have the foreigners, is it me, or do they speak extremely loud?  I swear to God, and all things holy, Ethiopians get ta speaking their language on the “Ride On” and their voices raise 10 octaves!  Dammit, I’m trynna read…  I swear sometimes, I wanna say something…  but I just mind my business and save it for the blog….    Btw, kudos to the folks who realize it is rude, and makes a special effort to speak low, and keep it short!  Lol

I have done more walking in the last, 3 weeks then I have in the last 30 years…  I can not say that enough!  Everyday I walk thru a park in downtown D.C., Franklin Park.  Now, this park is located directly across the street from a homeless shelter…   the shelter use to be a school that my mom taught at, (I had to mention that because whenever I walk by the school I go back to my childhood, cause I would go there everyday after school…  I have issue with traveling back in time!)   Any who, so the homeless folks hang out in the park, all damn day…   now riddle me this?  Why is it that, every damn day without fail, I see some damn homeless man with his dick pulled out, pissing on a damn tree?  I swear I do… and peep this, have u ever seen homeless dick?  I swear there is a difference!  Homeless dick is wrinkled and the fume the piss emits is enough to kill every ant, worm, squirrel, plant or tree in the park!  Now, the other interesting observation about this shelter is this, I have determined that there are 2 types of people who reside in this shelter…   the ones who really don’t mind being homeless, they sit back, piss in parks, drink there drank, puff their borrowed cigarettes, and chill…  and then you have the ones, who make an effort to get dressed everyday, I’m talking suits and dresses, like they are goin to work, and if they do nothing but walk up and down 13^th street, to feel like productive members of society than dammit, that’s what they do: walk up and down the street in their Sunday best!   Now granted, I realize this is a serious issue, but this is my take on what I see as I sit from my 4^th floor window…

The job is good…  I am pleased with what I am doing, and day by day, I’m learning more and more…. Although I tend to have mini panic attacks throughout the damn day, I never-ever let them see me sweat, and I forge on!  And mad praises to the sista in the office who could see the panic on my face after I was given another duty!  I finally admitted to her that I didn’t have a clue about Excel, Power Point, and Abode Captivate!  Girlfriend has taken the time to give me crash courses on all three…  I’ve always been in corporate America, where you come up with an idea, come up with a plan of action, and then pass it on to someone who then puts your vision on paper… so it’s been an experience… on another note, why do people try to test you?  My position  requires constant responding to emails, all day, every damn day…  so yesterday one of the account managers sends me an email, asking me when I was gonna follow up with one of her clients?  And I was like; damn Teal, you’ve been so on top of your game, how did I drop the ball on this?  Well I immediately start searching outlook, inside and out, every fuckin folder!   Low n behold NOTHING…  so I quickly told this lil bitch that she never sent me the request, however I’ll jump right on it…  this bitch wanted to argue me down…  now, I’d like to think there are two sides to Teal, kind/gentle/compassionate/laid back/non-confrontational Teal, and there’s bourghetto Teal the eye rolling/neck twisting, teeth sucking/curses like a sailor, and will not hesitate to tell you in a  professional way, YOU’S A FUKCIN LIAR!  But, I was cool, it takes A LOT to push my buttons, I tend to take more than the average human, and then I get to a point where I’m just DONE…  that seems to be true in my professional, personal, and online life… and when I’m DONE, I’m DONE (with the exception of that damn papi, who I have decided is INSANE).

Sidebar: Moving forward, this is NOT directed to anyone, so please DO NOT hit me with the, ARE YOU TALKIN ABOUT ME!  No got dammit!  And if you think I am talkin’ bout you, then look in the mirror, NOT ME…  lol

Speaking of buttons being pushed!  Boy was this the week for that…  I am starting to realize more and more than my tolerance level for folks inadequacies, and unwillingness to move beyond there personal drama, rather it be work drama, lifestyle drama, relationship drama, climbing outta the gutter drama, what the fuck eva, is more than I can stand…   with that said,  I think as humans beings when we care about people and we see a loved one not living up to his or her full potential, we often want to help them to be the best that they can be…  experience has taught me that in the end it’s like dealing with an addict…  they have to want it for themselves, and until they do want it, they will continue in the same hole they’ve been in from the moment you were placed  in their lives… that pains me to no end…   I tend to take on other folks issues, when I see something or someone who is worthy of so much more, I want more for that person…  when I see someone hurting, I want to STOP the hurt…  I am learning that folks have to want it for themselves, and there isn’t shit I can do about it…   what I haven’t learned is how to still be supportive of friends when I see them at a stand still, and when I think about it, I get that from my mother (not good), she will cut a person off in New York minute, and I find that I too am guilty of such behavior…  it bothers me, because in a sense, I feel like I’m draining myself worrying about the next persons shit…  it’s an issue I have, and I acknowledge it, and I’m working on it daily…  but at the same time, I am a passionate, compassionate individual who really wants more for the people that I call FRIEND… it’s like how can they not see what, I see?...  we are all works in progress forever learning, forever growing…   my question is how to be supportive when you see the progress stops and for some folks the progress never started?  Tricky for Teal! 

Drama is a very interesting word, a word that takes on many faces… but, I gotta tell ya something; “net drama” is a totally different beast… ain’t no drama like net drama. See, with net drama, you really don’t know who’s doing what, and why…   all of us 360 and Multiply folks got motives for doing what we do, rather it be networking, building friendships, or simple relief from the 9 to 5 office bullshit… the net gives us the ability to hide behind your true self, and lead folks to believe one thing when it’s really another..  I’ve come to the conclusion that “WE” are all “CRAZY”  fa real!  Different degrees of crazy, but none the less crazy…  some of us are “crazy cool”, some of us are “crazy insane”…  the real work is figuring out what box you belong in, and what box the peeps on your friends list belong in… and peeps, need a remind you, that every person on your friend list, is NOT your friend?  HELLO… WAKE UP!  I offer you this simple advice, don’t read too much into shit that you can’t authenticate, touch and feel…   I’ve been hearing some crazy shit as of lately, and all I can say is this:  FOLLOW YOUR GUT…  if it smells like a rat, than dammit it’s a rat…  and ladies, ladies, ladies, protect your hearts, your wallets, and your God given common sense, cause folks will test you, if you show any sign of weakness, they will prey on you…  this goes for the men also, lemme tell ya, there are some vicious ass vindictive ass, shady ass bitches out here, who are simply out to run game on you!  

Inclosing, I will leave you all with this: Karma Is a real bitch, and trust and believe for every dirty deed you do to another it will come back twice fold…

Now get busy living, and while you’re at it, have a great weekend! 

What’s up good people! Earlier today, I found myself reading some online article, and I ran across a lil something that pretty much stated that "Solo Sex Hurts Your Relationship" in short it states that Masturbation can hurt your relationship by creating distance... I personally think that’s possible! But, it can be easily resolved: MUTUAL MASTURBATION, if you can’t pro-create, I say mutual masturbate! lol... But the killer was when I read that fantasies can really hurt your relationship... From what I gather often times when you fantasize, your dreaming of another person, your fantasizing about sex with someone other than your partner... Would that, could that, be CHEATING? Hmmmmmm.... Did you know that phone sex, and internet chatting is considered fantasizing? Once again, could that be CHEATING?

Personally, I think fantasies can be a good thing! I think that if both parties are open about sharing their fantasies it can only increase the love making.... Discussing fantasies is a healthy way to increase the depth of future bedroom soirees... Keepin the fantasy to yourself and not being able to release them can pose more of a problem then having the fantasy! But who am I? I’m jus a chick that likes to blog about all things sexual... *shrugs shoulders*

Now on the other hand, sharing fantasies can also cause problems... Especially if the other party is insecure... Sharing a fantasy can often lead the insecure party to believe that you’ve explored these ideas with someone else... At the end of the day it’s a matter of knowing your mate, and knowing how their mind works...

So tell me, would you have issues with your mate fantasizing about another woman while making love to you? Men would you be offended if you found out your woman was fantasizing about the well endowed ex-boyfriend she had prior to meeting you? Wouldn’t you prefer your significant other share your fantasies with you instead of acting them out with someone else?

Talk to me folks! My ass fantasizes all damn day... Hell, I even fantasize about some of y’all! But I’m single, so I guess it’s ok...

*wink*

I’m not sure if I’m a glutton for punishment or just too damn nice…  I don’t consider myself to be a push over – but I’m beginning to think that a few of my acquaintances obviously think I appreciate being stepped on…  no matte what, the older I get the less I can tolerate bullshit, but, for whatever reason, I continue to give some folks chance, after chance, after chance… so I guess I’m a glutton for punishment?!?!?

I have spent the past year getting Papi out of my system…   we went several months with no contact, and I finally started taking his calls again… at the end of the day he and I have an excellent phone flow, and truth be told, I enjoy listening to him blow himself up, and make himself appear bigger than life, and because I know him, I can pretty much decipher the fact from the fiction…  I believe this man lives in a make believe world, I believe that at one time in his life, he was on top of his game, and over the years he has taken a “fall from grace”   I believe that being married to the woman that he is married to, allows him to portray a certain image, but at the end of the day, he’s a just a nigga…   I often times think of the verse from Trick Daddy’s America when I think of him:

You only got 2 bucks and
give less than a fuck --
then you a nigga
Got a nice home and a Lexus
truck -- you a nigga
World champions and you
M.V.P -- you a nigga
4 degrees and a Ph.D -- still a nigga
You use your platinum ??
for ID's -- then you's a
nigga
If your skin is brown
just like me -- then you
a nigga
Got a promotion and a
FAT ass raise -- you
still a nigga
You from the islands and
your peoples wasn't
slaves -- you a nigga
No matter how much your
ass get paid -- you
still a nigga
Shot by the cops at a
traffic stop -- cause
you a nigga…
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And with the title of being a bona fide nigga comes the bona fide truth that a great deal of niggaz lies thru their damn teeth!  Example:  he has this thing for saying, that wifey is in her “wing” and he is in his “wing” of the house” now if you didn’t know any better, you would think that he lived in a mansion or even a mini mansion…   he lives in a fucking townhouse!   You can’t have “wings” in a fuckin townhouse, it’s more like “floors” she got her floor, and you got your floor!  FLOORS mutha fucka, FLOORS! … WTF?   Any who, I’m getting off track…

In re-opening the lines of communication with the intention to fuck him, cuz truth be told I have yet to find someone as nasty as him, granted I have had bigger, harder, longer lasting, firmer dicks, I have yet to find  anyone who is as “naturally” nasty as him… there’s good dick and there’s nasty dick, I like good nasty dick!  Lol   but the more he continues with the bullshit lying, and not keeping his damn word, the more turned off I become...  what’s so sad about this, is that, this is this mans “normal”  at least it’s his normal with me…  as I sit here and give it further thought, how sad it is that a man can claim to love you and still continue to hit you with bullshit…  the other sad thing is this:  if he would jus keep his damn mouth shut, and NOT come up with these brilliant non existent suggestions, we wouldn’t be going thru this bullshit!   Oh but yes, he’s supa nigga, he can do that!   Lawd help him, and help me for putting up with the madness!   When I see him slipping into his ‘Rani way’, I once again find myself wondering, what the fuck is wrong with me?  And why am I subjecting myself to this mans craziness? I mean damn, am I a fuckin martyr? The whole say one thing and do another… the inability to keep his word, and his inability to admit when he can’t keep his word… how much screaming and hollering can one damn person do about the same damn issue?  And at what point will he “get it”?  (hell, when will I get it!) He continues to suggest that we do something, but he can never do it?  He continues to express his desire to spend time, and yet he can’t do it… and the interesting thing is I could give a fuck; I’m only interested in the SEX…   I don’t feed into his so called wishes, but  I can’t help but analyze it, because I don’t understand how his mind works, and why he does what he does…  and for some crazy reason, I want to figure this shit out! (that’s me…  always analyzing shit!)  I’m at a point, where I could give a fuck about spending time, talking on the phone, and the I love you’s… that shit means NOTHING to me (although it is funny as hell…  in a pathetic kinda way)... I don’t need to break bread, I don’t need to sip on cocktails, I don’t need any of that from him…  yet he insist on putting shit on the table without actually making it happen!  Someone please tell me why this man does this?   He continues to reach out, knowing damn well he brings nothing to my world… well, maybe he brings his nasty sex, but other than that, nothing, and let’s be honest; he can’t even make that happen, nigga so damn scared of his damn man-wife, he’s not willing to make it happen!  (this is some crazy ass shit)…

For the past two months, he has made these bullshit attempts to get together with the intention of FUCKIN, and he has yet to make that shit happen… he finds out I have a job (via 360 blast) and the communication goes from weekly to daily, and he decides he wants to celebrate by taking me to lunch… and I tell him: don’t do that, don’t set yourself up!   But nooooo, he still doesn’t “get it” … and let’s be real, I’m still waiting for the lunch date from the last job offer which was 2 years ago…  And I’m still waiting for this idiot to acknowledge that he can’t make that happen!

Lawd help him, and help me!  Papi,   realize this: concerning affairs outside of the bedroom, you have been conditioned to treat me like shit… and I’m ok with that, I know you’re a piece of shit, and you will always be a piece of shit when it comes to me…  I have no need to do anything that does not involve any form of sexual activity… basically you are a piece of shit, with a nasty dick, no more, no less!  So, listen up, when you get the nerve, the balls, and the loot to arrange a soiree, outside of my damn home (btw, you are no longer welcome in my home!)  Then, you let a sista know!  All that other shit, that makes you want to communicate with me, regarding none sexual shit, such as; how’s lil man?  how’s the job? my momma?  And my life? that ain’t your concern!   Find another ear-piece mine is all waxed da hell up!

With all that said, and believe it or not, papi has taught me a valuable lesson when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex!  No longer do I “sit on things” when I notice inconsistencies, I deal with them immediately…   now, this can be a good or bad thing… but men, y’all gotta stop with the bullshit!  

This brings me to another experience that continues to baffle the hell outta me!   Now, I met this dude online, (hmmm could the common thread be INTERNET MEN) he appeared to be a decent dude, had nice conversation etc… god fearing, kid loving, and a freak…  not nasty, but a freak…   so as I get to know this dude I found myself getting more and more comfortable with sharing something’s that were going on with me…  my sharing was nothing more than getting shit off my chest, I didn’t want or expect him to do shit about my situation…  and suddenly, he decided he wants to help me…  and I was more than appreciative…  now dude gives me all these damn dates, as to when he’s gonna do x,y and z…  and it never happens!   One thing after another…   and he too can’t acknowledge shit…   lawd help me what is goin on with men today!  Now, when I call him out on his shit, cuz for real it was a great deal of shit….  Lie after lie, from Victoria's Secret to cell phones, to birthday gifts and some other insignificant shit (which is the real clincher!  This is all insignificant shit, but a mass of insignificant shit can lead to a BIG problem)  I decided it was time to speak on his shit…  and dude tells me that “I appear to be the kind of woman that keeps a tally of everything a person tells them”…  now is that not how shit works? But on another note, if ya ass was real with ya shit, I wouldn’t be keeping tally!  Hells don’t trip on me; look at self… any who isn’t that human nature to remember what folks tell you?  Especially the “important” shit?  So I called him out, and dude goes on to say that, he’s a man of his word, and low n behold, he still ain’t kept his word, and  the dude had the nerve to lie and say it’s in the mail!  Now, why couldn’t he just be upfront and say, I can’t do it?  *smh*  Lol, what is that?  Now the killer is this; in both of these situations, this is a case of niggaz putting their damn foot in there mouth!  I’m not asking for a lot…  I only ask that you be real, and stop with the bullshit!   I mean damn, it’s one thing to communicate and another thing to over communicate…   now, the sad thing about this dude is his mouth pretty much fucked up a blooming friendship…  rest assured he won’t see it that way…  they never do! 

Listen, if you can’t do something, just say it, and dammit, don’t go volunteering shit, when you know damn well; you can’t make it happen… 

Lawd help me…  I feel better!  

All that to say this, I refuse to tolerate bullshit from the old or the new… come correct or don’t come at all, and if you come at me with the bullshit, I will call you on it, with NO hesitation…

I was talking to a friend last night, and she presented a scenario to me that I thought was interesting and worthy of a blog entry… 

For those of you who have been around for sometime, you guys will recall my doing a blog entitled to Speak or Not to Speak blog?  Not sure if that’s the name, however I spoke on not telling friends when you are aware of their significant other, husband or lover having an affair…  I had several reasons for not motioning this, and I will not go into that now…  however I would like to present a twist and see what the masses think…

Boy meets girl…

They court, date, fall in love…

And then…

Boy marries girl…

They move out of state to pursue better careers and higher education…

Soon, baby makes three…

Overall the marriage is a good marriage, and they’re building an excellent foundation in every aspect of their lives, family, home, career etc…

Boy reaches out to a home-girl, and they begin to chat on the regular…

Nothing out of line, just innocent chats…

Boy, feeling VERY comfortable in said chats, openly admits that he is having an affair…

Boy states that he is “cruising” various websites, and has been meeting folks in bars, clubs etc… 

Boy admits he is actively pursuing MEN…

Yes, my dear people, he is a DOWN-LOW brotha!

Now, girlfriend is absorbing this, and is at loss for words, because her number one concern is her friend…

Does she tell her, or does she mind her business?  

This is  the so- called “real-talk” I often see as I peruse various blogs…  it’s happening in someone’s home unbeknownst to wifey who firmly believes her marriage is secure…  tit could easily be MY home, or YOUR home, this is some real shit happening in black homes across the country… talk to me folks!  I wanna know how you would handle this… 

Don’t you just love the girls who don’t want to be labeled? They refuse to be associated with the word Bi Sexual... I have never understood that... A couple of years ago, I hooked up with this sexy couple... We’re sitting down drinking and talking, and I recall asking girlfriend are you BI? And she said: I don’t like labels, I love women, and I’m a sexual woman... In the meantime, I’m thinking, what the fuck is that? Now girlfriend is sitting there looking like she wants to sop me up with a damn biscuit! But, she refuses to label herself as bisexual, because SHE DON’T LIKE LABELS... So we get in the bedroom, and girlfriend straight attacks me, kissing me, sucking on the tits till the milk squirts out, and eating the pussy like it’s her last damn meal, and suckin the hell outta my ass... and every step of the way, she’s telling me how sexy I am, and how good I feel, and I’m enjoying every move she makes, but in the back of my mind I’m saying, Bitch, ya ass is bisexual... but, nooooo, SHE DON’T LIKE LABELS!